Author Topic: Excuse-opedia  (Read 2528 times)

Dom

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Excuse-opedia
« on: December 09, 2011, 02:58:42 PM »
MTB Pigs official Excuso-pedia (order now for xmas)

Section 1 - I'm not riding tonight because...

Such was the volume and creative quality of excuses for not riding on a recent Thursday that I have decided to compile a handy look-up list for future reference:

1. That ride yesterday really took it out of me
2. Woke with a stinking headache
3. A very swollen (I'm hoping NOT broken) kneecap
4. My heads pounding and it looks shit outside (a two pointer)
5. I'm feeling very under the weather again
6. There seems to be an unnecessary amount (of weather) this evening
7. I've got home late from work
8. No one else is going and I don't want to be [insert own name]-no-mates
9. It's colder than a polar bears ball bag in a blizzard
10. It's wetter than an otters pocket in the wash
11. I'm still wet from Tuesday in Brechfa
12. I just don't ride Clyne in the winter unless it's covered in snow

13. A Greek cheesemaker ruined my day (may not be used more than once - and has already been used once)
14. It's horrible and muddy out there and I've just spent 2 hours cleaning my bike (may not be used)

15. No! (this is not an excuse, more a statement - and frankly just won't do)

16. I have a cold (sort of the Thursday night equivalent of "the dog ate my homework")
17. I've ended up pushing my leg too much today (for most of us this would be a pretty feeble excuse, but given the severity of Bils' recent leg injury this is probably legit. However, a 'lame' excuse in the truest sense of the word...)


Section 2 - I'm slow uphill and/or not riding at wherever because...

New section: Reasons for not riding at a specific venue [insert name as applicable] or being slower than your mate/s up a hill:

1. I am allergic to [Afan]
2. [Afan] make my lungs all weird
3. It's those sodding Fire Roads
4. Fat
5. Forty
6. My heavier than usual ride
7. He rides a carbon bike
7a. He rides a carbon bike with pro-pedal
8. He's just come back from the Himalayas
9. [He] was taking creatine and does boot camp twice a week
10. I need an Uplift

(Think we hit the motherlode there - thanks AndyL!)

11. I'm doing a hideous 11 mile beach & swamp run on Saturday morning, so I might just be pushing up the hills and drinking shandy tonight
12. I am feeling very tired after surfing today


 
« Last Edit: February 07, 2014, 11:32:54 AM by domparkes »
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Pilau

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2011, 04:17:58 PM »
 :D :D :D That had me laughing to myself rather more noticeably than I should in the middle of an office!  You missed one though. Mine:
Quote
No! :o

markieboy

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2011, 06:58:50 PM »
Let's not forget:
A Greek cheesemaker has ruined my day.
A Gentleman in the mountains, no matter what his means of access, should be appropriately attired at all times, specifically in a manner which befits his modesty and public decency.

Jon

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2011, 10:36:03 AM »
I'm quite pleased that a quarter of those reasons are mine!

All from one post as well, I believe....

I occasionally have a reason for not riding, but it's one which I wouldn't dare to post on a forum....

It's horrible and muddy out there and I've just spent 2 hours cleaning my bike! Please let it be clean for more than a few hours.
Slower than the speed of dark

Dom

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2011, 11:22:00 AM »
updated - see original post
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Pilau

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2011, 12:18:41 PM »
updated - see original post
Haha ! Well done Andy, that'll take some beating! Dom you are now the Pigs' Excuses Curator!

AndyL

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2011, 06:08:12 PM »


Section 2 - I'm slow uphill and/or not riding at wherever because...

New section: Reasons for not riding at a specific venue [insert name as applicable] or being slower than your mate up a hill:

1. I am allergic to [Afan]
2. [Afan] make my lungs all weird
3. It's those sodding Fire Roads
4. Fat
5. Forty
6. My heavier than usual ride
7. He rides a carbon bike
7a. He rides a carbon bike with propedal
8. He's just come back from the Himalayas
9. [He] was taking creatine and does boot camp twice a week
10. I need an Uplift

Think we hit the motherlode there - thanks AndyL!


Awesome I made section 2 all by myself lol, 11 excuses in one post whoop whoop! Please Add no 12: I am doing Night Duty!!! I am glad that my tongue in cheek look at my short comings has made this yet another excellent post!!!

domparkes

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2014, 11:32:03 AM »
recent crop of excuses has inspired me to update the list - see original post at the top  ;)
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Pilau

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2014, 02:04:15 PM »
I'm not riding the MTB at the mo because my thumb hurts!  ??? ::)

domparkes

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2014, 02:16:02 PM »
Still that blinking thumb injury!

Just resting it before Bike Village I hope?
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Paul

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2014, 03:16:08 PM »
No 5 for me  ;D
You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Pilau

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Re: Excuse-opedia
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2014, 12:57:02 AM »
Still that blinking thumb injury!

Just resting it before Bike Village I hope?
Yeah it still smarts to apply pressure backwards. I'm nervous of damaging it again too. If rip that tendon off, I'm really in trouble!  :-[ For now - caution be the better part of valour.